Posts Tagged ‘reasonable expectations’
Our expectations of our children’s psychological abilities, even more than of their physical abilities, are typically much too high. The research shows that we consistently overestimate their self-control, ability to persevere and stay on task, consistency of performance, and social ability. It’s normal for a 2-year-old to get bent out of shape if he doesn’t get something he wants; it’s normal for a 3-year-old to lose it if there’s an unexpected change in the bedtime routine; it’s normal for a 6-year-old to fail to sustain focus on a baseball game, to pursue one fly ball with steely purpose and to let the next fall untouched in the grass because he’s daydreaming. We know this, and we know that each of these developmental stages will probably pass in a few months’ time, but, still, we stand over the child with index finger raised, an unpleasant edge in our voice, futilely repeating: “I said you’d get it later,” or “Why are you making such a big deal about your bedtime story?” or “Get your head in the game!”
Welcome to my new blog on grace based parenting. There will be links to resources that have been helpful for me-video clips, books and other blog posts. And some of my own articles as well.
The name, Greenlight Parenting, is inspired by Matthew 19:14 “Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to those who are like these children”.
One reason why I decided to start a blog was so that I could learn grace based parenting better myself. I strongly believe in it. And I want to know (and then show you) how to apply it in more situations that come up. Other parenting methods, claiming to be Christian-based seem to be so much more common. Doing a search for grace based parenting hasn’t yielded as much as the punitive methods. I haven’t found mentors in it (its not the way my husband nor myself were raised), so by teaching it to others I’m learning more myself.
I’m going to start a series on reasonable expectations. Often, there is a large disparity between intellectual and emotional maturity in children (I’ve seen this in my own children). And so we might expect too much of them in some areas.
What is Grace based discipline? I like the definition found on Arms of Love Family Fellowship.
The bible is unusually silent on parenting issues except to charge parents with the responsibility to raise their children unto the Lord and to grant them the authority to do so. How to parent is left up to each parent. Rather than trying to be God to our children I recommend doing what we are already called to do and follow Jesus and His example as we relate to our children and make disciples. Parent-centered is no more Biblically sanctioned than child-centered parenting; Believers are challenged to be Christ-centered in all things and this should also apply to parenting. A believer should extend the fruit of the Spirit to their children–not expect it from them.
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